After almost two weeks of tests, my mom was diagnosed with cancer last week. There are cancer “nodules” throughout her body: her lymph nodes, her lungs, her liver, her rectum and colon, and even her spine. She started "very aggressive treatment" yesterday with her first round of chemo.
I've had my upset moments. Days. I've had thoughts, regrets, and panics that I couldn't get out of my mind. I keep thinking This isn't the way it's supposed to go. I've cried and prayed and pleaded with God and cried some more.
I've had days when somehow, I pushed it out of my mind and refused to think about it. I distracted myself anyway possible.
I tried keeping it to myself. Acknowledging it made it real, so I didn't want to do that. Also, I didn't want to look like that girl trying to get attention or pity. I told my family members I was OK and my husband was the only one I was open with.
Finally I realized, that this is a time that I need support. I was losing sleep and making myself crazy. I was in tears at work throughout the day at the thought of my mom's situation. So, I decided to tell 2 of my very close friends. Because I needed them. I composed and deleted and recomposed a text message telling them what was going on, being honest about how it was affecting me. I don't know why, but this was very hard for me. Of course they said all the right things. And I felt a little better.
Sunday it went public. My sister and aunts and then even my mom posted on their Facebook walls asking for support and prayers as my mom started chemo the next day. I didn't want to.
Then I started receiving texts from people who had seen it on Facebook. I read the amazingly supportive comments people were writing. And I realized that although this was a personal, private issue, sharing it with others was almost a relief. I created a post to show support for my mom and asked others to send her positive thoughts and prayers.The outpouring of sincere condolences, positivity, and support that I've received is amazing. There are days when I think Facebook is absurd, but I must say in this instance, it's been a comfort to me. I've felt more positive and strong just knowing that so many people are thinking about, praying for, and rallying behind my mom. I hope it is a source of comfort and strength to her too.
P.S.
