Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun



I recently discovered something about myself.

I’m constantly trying to improve myself and I think in order to do that, it is time that I let a little secret out of the bag. Here it is:

I am really secretive. And then I’m secretive about being secretive.

I tend to be straightforward about many things, which gives the impression that I am an open book. But really, I am so secretive about silly little things.

Like this blog.

Or making mistakes.

Basically, I think I try to hide any vulnerabilities.

 What? Allow people to look inside my mind? No way! Oh, I messed up the printer at work? No I will NOT call the Help Desk; I better fix this myself!

My sister and I talked about this recently; It’s a trait we both have. Obviously a lovely gift we acquired growing up. And it started so young:

Yes, I had Rollerblade Barbie.

 And no, I did not send her back when she

was recalled for starting fires with her coooool skates!

I can remember my sister and I playing elaborate Barbie games. Yes we paid plenty of attention to Barbie’s hair and clothing, but our games were much more than this! We created mysteries, dramatic court cases and scandals with our Barbies. They had different names and careers and personalities. It was all very creative. But the second an adult happened to walk by, whether they were paying attention to us or not, we would pause our real game and concentrate on their hair and clothing. Yeah, so it was just a silly little game, but this behavior became a habit with lots of other silly little things.

I’ve realized this ridiculous secrecy is a manifestation of my insecurity and I am done. It is OK to make mistakes. It is OK to ask for help. And it is OK to share my thoughts. It's OK if someone thinks I am stupid.

So many times I have held myself back from who I could have truly been because of insecurity.

I am going to share my blog with friends and family. If someone reads it and thinks it is uninteresting or stupid, who cares? They don’t have to read it again.

And if you are reading this, thank you. I hope you come back!

Coming Soon: Goals!

I've been thinking a lot about the importance of setting goals lately. This is very new to me; I've never been the type to consciously set goals, other than graduating college, but even that wasn't necessarily a "goal" for me, in the same way that it is for other people. I've always been more of a floater, a drifter, a "things will work themselves out" kinda girl.  

Maybe it's that I'm aging and my priorities have changed drastically in the past few years. Maybe it's the recent passing of my father-in-law, which has made me realize that life can be cut short. Maybe it's my recent marriage, opening me up to a new chapter in life. Probably it is all of these things and more. I want to live a rich life, full of love, happiness, friendship, and family. I want to experience everything I can.

With all of this in mind and inspired by a previous post by the fabulous Ronita Dean I am working on my own "30 by 30."  Basically I am going to write down 30 things I'd like to do, accomplish, etc, by the time I am 30. I love this idea because at the current age of 27, it is somewhere between long-term and short-term. I am going to be realistic with this list and will really try to work towards these goals. And hey, maybe it will help turning 30 become something to really celebrate!

So far I've scribbled down about 15 things that came pretty easy. For the next 15, I'm really going to have to think. Once I get them all figured out, I will post on my blog. I'm excited to document my progress.

So Much to Say, So Little Words

Matt and I became husband and wife June 18, 2011 in Athens, Ohio.

Matt’s father passed away July 16, 2011 in his home.

There is so much to say about both. I will post about both in the future. I know it.

But for now… I just can’t.

This Song Feels So True

I Am Really Loving This Song

 

I could listen to this song all day. Really.