Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun



I recently discovered something about myself.

I’m constantly trying to improve myself and I think in order to do that, it is time that I let a little secret out of the bag. Here it is:

I am really secretive. And then I’m secretive about being secretive.

I tend to be straightforward about many things, which gives the impression that I am an open book. But really, I am so secretive about silly little things.

Like this blog.

Or making mistakes.

Basically, I think I try to hide any vulnerabilities.

 What? Allow people to look inside my mind? No way! Oh, I messed up the printer at work? No I will NOT call the Help Desk; I better fix this myself!

My sister and I talked about this recently; It’s a trait we both have. Obviously a lovely gift we acquired growing up. And it started so young:

Yes, I had Rollerblade Barbie.

 And no, I did not send her back when she

was recalled for starting fires with her coooool skates!

I can remember my sister and I playing elaborate Barbie games. Yes we paid plenty of attention to Barbie’s hair and clothing, but our games were much more than this! We created mysteries, dramatic court cases and scandals with our Barbies. They had different names and careers and personalities. It was all very creative. But the second an adult happened to walk by, whether they were paying attention to us or not, we would pause our real game and concentrate on their hair and clothing. Yeah, so it was just a silly little game, but this behavior became a habit with lots of other silly little things.

I’ve realized this ridiculous secrecy is a manifestation of my insecurity and I am done. It is OK to make mistakes. It is OK to ask for help. And it is OK to share my thoughts. It's OK if someone thinks I am stupid.

So many times I have held myself back from who I could have truly been because of insecurity.

I am going to share my blog with friends and family. If someone reads it and thinks it is uninteresting or stupid, who cares? They don’t have to read it again.

And if you are reading this, thank you. I hope you come back!